Gallant Major Smith, the Viscount of Chauncey

I know a chap in the magazine business. Not only did he solicit, plan, and edit articles about the Civil War, he participated in countless Civil War reenactments, displaying his gallantry and bravery for admiring fans. I believe that he had ascended to the rank of Major in the Union Army, but he preferred to be called the Viscount of Chauncey. I don’t think that went over well as neither the North nor the South had the rank of Viscount. But then again, I am no Civil War historian, merely a poet and storyteller. Anyhow, after many skirmishes and pitched battles, after countless campfire retellings of reenacted war over salt pork and cider, the “Viscount” decided to hang up his spurs.

So he unloaded all things Civil War and placed both feet firmly in the custom publishing marketplace. This new path requires him to mingle with the finest society has to offer and to heed the requests of graphic designers and writers who might wish to find employment. He tells me that, to his surprise, many unemployed designers are women, and these women assail him daily with the desire for work. He also tells me that he has come to the following philosophical conclusion: that women are of two basic types, either singers or strippers. He has even gone so far as to create a stage in his office. And on this stage he has placed a microphone and a shiny pole that measures from floor to ceiling. He does this because when those women come to him for employment, he likes to know which type they are. So during interviews, he has them approach the stage and either sing a song for him or perform a striptease. Now I do not pretend to make any moral judgments on this behavior. A man does as he does in his business. After all, I’m just a poet and storyteller.