A Note About Surgery

To my patients who have solicited my professional services, from their homes in every state, city, town, and remote thicket within our great Union. And to all those dwelling in Europe, Mexico, South Asia, the Russian Steppes, and scattered islands of the Pacific Rim, I respectfully offer an explanation.

Look, when I said that I was a doctor, I meant that my intention was to heal and that maybe I was speaking figuratively—that I was being a "doctor" simply meant that I was acting as an agent of hope. It's not that I had any idea that so many would come to me with such serious ailments in need of medical help. After all, when I heard things like "thank you for seeing us, Dr. Culpepper . . . It's so good that I found someone to sew my arm back on, Dr. Culpepper . . . I'm so grateful that you can perform surgery on my kidney right here . . ." I felt important and my self confidence was boosted immeasurably. After some time, I felt that I really could perform surgery and remove organs with ease. I just didn't think that so many people would have so many complications, like the ones who died. It's unfortunate, but most of the time it was infection, not my lack of medical training that led to such suffering. But life is about learning from mistakes, is it not?

So I do apologize, and I suppose that what I did was a little misguided. Future medical treatment will be limited and all of you should know this.

Respectfully submitted