George Bush Parkway

The Tipp City council has voted to rename a section of road the "George Bush Parkway." This is a letter I wrote to a local paper to explain why I think their decision shows clear evidence of homoerotic worship of Dubya. It's true. All these goofy, hyperconservative men in this town have a definite man love for Dubya.

George Bush Parkway?
Have Tipp Cityians gone mad? Some of the people in this town have been like girls at a Sanjaya sighting the way they have sighed and swooned over George Bush. Can people here be any more aroused by the president? This is embarrassing and shameful. A road named after George Bush? Why not name a cemetery after him for all the deaths he has caused. Why not name a lonely hilltop for all the allies he has alienated? Why not name a vacant lot for all of his empty-headed rhetoric? Why not name an empty storefront for all of his failed policies? Bush came here not because he loves Tipp City; he came here because this is nearly the only place where he would not have rotten tomatoes lobbed at him. Representatives in his party hold their noses around him. Officials in his administration have abandoned him. Even conservative pundits are jumping ship. And this town wants to honor someone who has as much credibility as Jane Fonda at a VFW poker game? How can you honor someone who has no honor?

Alex Culpepper
Tipp Resident